you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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