I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
