I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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