You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
