im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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