I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
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