the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
