First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
