Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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