this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
