We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
