You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I'm like, not good at living.
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
