glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
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