I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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