did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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