I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
