I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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