Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
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