when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
