I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
