i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
