OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
