I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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