Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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