God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Randomize
