last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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