Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
