Well douche your snatch and let's go!
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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