when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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