HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
My thoughts mid terrible hookup: do people normally read a magazine right about now?
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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