shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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