yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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