Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
Side note, we are 25 fighting over our sophmore year RAs Drunk facebook attention
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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