it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
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