He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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