one two three fourrrrnication!
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
