someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
