i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
