Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
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It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
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Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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