May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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