last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
Randomize
