Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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