you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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