Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
Randomize
