Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
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you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
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WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
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