So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
