i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
