I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
