I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
