Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Randomize
