One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
