Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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