Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
