did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
my penis made a compromise with my morals
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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