i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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