i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Just because I tried to backhand you with a fist full of cash does not make me violent
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
