He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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