there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Randomize
