and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
I see more hoeing in ur future
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