why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
