Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
