pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
