we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
