moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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