Church boner. Awkwardddd
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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