Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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