just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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