ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
it only took 2 hours but we managed to melt the purity ring down with a butane torch
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
third nipple confirmed
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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